I have developed the inability to relax. Any moment that I’m not working I feel the need to do things or I feel like I’m wasting time. Life is too short to come home and loll about on the sofa watching cartoons, although I do that for at least half an hour every evening after work – apart from Fridays, that night is reserved for special things like watching movies in bed and taking long baths with books. These activities may sound like relaxing but they really aren’t. I’m not switching my brain off because when I’m doing one, I think I should be doing another. I like to watch movies on the tv because it means I can either read a book/magazine and browse the internet and ceaselessly refresh Instagram on my phone at the same time.
Instead of feeling guilty about doing “nothing”, I’m trying to think of other ways to fill my time. Currently, my ideas are get a weekend job or join the gym. Neither of them sound particularly enthralling but at least they would fill the time. By getting a weekend job I could earn some extra money; by joining a gym I could spend some more. (I do really love spending money, it’s a skill.) I thought about applying for retail jobs and putting my availability as just Saturday or Sunday – not both, I am a human not a machine, I need at least one day to rest a week – as I thought it would be good to do some form of fashiony thing until I go to college. Considering I am unable to do anything for the first 9 months I’m there (fecking immigration laws, F1 status…), I want to sort-of keep my hand in if I can. Except I didn’t looooove working retail (who does?) and I’m not sure if I want the commitment of two jobs. I am still weighing up this idea. By joining the gym, I could fill up my day and look great at the end. I am someone who is slim but with no tone really. I used to exercise an awful lot (I got really obsessed in the summer of 2013) but then I got bored because I didn’t think my body looked any better for it. If I had stuck to it, maybe I’d have some abs by now. I just don’t like the idea of going to the gym alone considering it is filled with 15 year old boys who “lift” and add protein powder to every meal. I need some female companionship. Why did all my friends have to go to uni last year?
Another idea was to learn a language. I thought either Italian in preparation for my handsome husband who will make delicious pasta for me; Russian because I bought a Penguin How-To book approximately 4 years ago (I got to the alphabet and got a bit baffled); or French, considering I studied it at school for 5 years (at least) so have a firm grasp of the basics such as how to say I went to the moon and other useful conversation pieces. Maybe the French could help me read Vogue Paris (I do love it) or the Italian VI? But learning a language to read fashion magazines is rather trivial.
In the meantime, I am going to paint my nails, create a few sets on Polyvore (I’ll probably share a few on here, I like doing that), drink some water, and read some more Anna Karenina (I have been reading it intermittently since October 2013, shameful I know). I plan to do all of this before bed tonight. Then I will sleep. One of my favourite activities. Hey, instead of doing something productive with my weekends and evenings perhaps I should just sleep? It’s a lot more fun anyway considering I have some pretty fantastic dreams. My imagination runs wild. Oh, new idea! I could write a book. Always thinking…